Sunday, October 31, 2010

Girls Lie.

Drove up to Melbourne yesterday, it rained like a motherbitch!
Got to my G-pez and went and had coffee/chills with Alex Tee and Whitney Holden...
They're awesome.
This morning went to see my Grandad in hospital- and the cheeky thing pretended not to know my mum haha and my mum was in tears (as the past two weeks he's lost his marbles) but then proceeded in quickly letting her know he was joking.
He's a lot better- told us all about his crazy hallucinations he'd been having- sounds amazing really!
I love how intrigued he was about how powerful the mind is, the way he described things sounded like DMT.
I recorded one of his stories but I'll review it and see if it's postable.
Anyway he's looking on the up which is really good.
What a funny fella he is.
Then went to westfield- wandered around for ages on my own just being rad and eating sushi and stuff and being stalker on my jbhifi crush haha and then made a stronger friendship with the guy from the rad "sumi" clothes shop and turns out he goes to SAE uni for audio engineering and yeah-
I really need new shoes, as I only bought my slippers and they have holes in them and in the wet that's no good, but I couldn't bring myself to buy a pair of vans- they look good on other people but I hate looking down at them they look like clown shoes, plus they're like $80 too expensive.
Speaking of $80 too expensive- I bought another shirt from Sumi haha some melbourne label Truth/Dare, it's rad and bought another XL top from dangerfield, just acid wash. XLarge is pathetic these days... I just want BIG TOPS not stupid fucking waistlengths. Although the girls lie top is xlarge, it's still pretty small- but too rad not to buy. Bad pictures to judge by haha look at me- filling the hole in my heart with materialism... no no! I just really am over all my clothes.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

My Biggest fans.

Thankyou Luke and Chelsea.
If someone could help translate that would be great haha-
There was another letter that was like "you are sooooooo awesome" and stuff haha
Lookin' good Madison.



The Trailer cd artwork perhaps? haha

I'm a zombie because you're a ghost.

I am starting to hit empty. 
Life seems to be catching up with me and I don't like it.
Can someone come and kill the pain?
Make me forget how shit everything is.
I'm over being emo.


Going to Melbourne.
Happy Halloween.

Set of Scales.

There's too much on either side.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Download my Solo music!


Put a lot off effort in getting all my songs up to scratch, remastering, re-recording and stuff.
I wrote out all the lyrics and a brief description of each song as well.
There's 22 tracks.... I know right!? Wtf I didn't know I had 22 songs!? (well I have more, but I'll release them later).
Everything from the first song I ever recorded back in year 9,
to my unit rap song, fairylights and yeah- just everything.

Let me know if you like it/listen to it :)

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The Shed.

Last night was something else.
I actually had the greatest experience of my life haha
I cried because I was just so happy and felt so much love resonating from the boys.
I was in the state of mind where you're waking up and your dreams interlace reality for that split second.
So good. So many more things I could write but should probs keep them in.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Bleak.

Far out. My mum just broke down on me :'(
I wish I had of seen my grandad yesterday like I had planned on, things aren't looking good :(
I think we might be going down to Melbourne again.
Fucking hell I'm being tested.

Hollow Structure.

For Xander/Centuries boys.

We won't make another step, we've tripped down all the stairs we ever climbed,
there's no going back, up to the rooftop, to look out over the edge
and notice the view isn't what we hoped it would be.
A gleaming city filled with hollow buildings.
You can knock... but no one would ever open up the door.
There's nothing but fake smiles framed on walls.

We won't make another step, we've tripped down all the stairs we ever climbed,
there's no going back, up to the rooftop, to look out over the edge
and wonder if we could fly straight down through the cement 
Into a brighter world. A world with depth.
Deeper than your lips will ever fucking get. 

Lies can only go so deep until you hit the golden truth.
We're not meant to be. So I will you set you free.

So I will set you free from me.
Go!

(There is no end)
There is no escaping until you can set yourself free.

Centuries

So I went down to Melbourne with Hayden and Jeremy for Centuries band prac which Jez is drumming for... something or other meant the vocalist couldn't make it so I might just possibly be the new vocalist.

:D

Wouldn't mind. Bit of moshcore in the mix.
Especially considering there first show at the castle on the 19th of November is probs gonna sell out,
featuring Dream On Dreamer, Hand of Mercy, Vultures, and Trainwreck.
Not bad. I'm pretty much excited as a nugget just thinking about that.
It'd be a good as kick start my life in melbourne.
Get to know people, have people get to know you... nice.

Anyway check em out:

www.myspace.com/centuriesaus

Obviously not my vocals- although I could easily make myself sound like that, I don't think that's what they're after.

Lost $50 dollars at crown... but it was a good learning experience ok!
Next time I plan on re-claiming that $50 haha.
The whole night in the city was a flonk, didn't get let in multiple times due to everything being so stupidly packed. God I hate driving in the city- not that it's hard- I just hate finding parks- wouldn't mind just tramming/riding etc.
Also bought these- $120 :s but I badly needed new clothes- I barely ever spend money on clothes ok! I just love "Sumi" shop. The singlet is made out of rad-wrinkley material, nique.
But yeah- I need to start saving... I got paid $100 the other day for recording Marshall via the school- plus I have another $500 dollars coming from them for the album. 
Anyway- I'm trying hard to move on and forward in life at the moment.
Catchya cunts!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

I need to meet this guy haha

On the wall of that "wear purple to support gay pride over the recent suicides" group.

Miserable at best.

I don't even know what to do anymore.
Fuck. Prepare for emo blogs. :s
GSA central.
Im just lost. So many emotions are attacking me.
I just don't get it :(
Fuck fuck fuck.
I'm left with the question- should I read my book on overcoming hard times and grief first or relationship rescue.
Ah. I don't have a relationship to rescue :(
I just have all the dumb photos and videos and memories that make me want to die.
Thursday really was the day I said goodbye to my two favourite girls in the world.
Fuck. K being emo is one thing I hate doing/seeing- this blog is just a vent,
I promise to be on my happy behavior when I wake up tomorrow.
Fuck. Jeremy I don't know whether to thankyou for getting me in mayday or not- I can't stop listening and being sad.

Damn.

"I'm done."
Ohhh so that's what you meant. Nice.
Hmm :( So many photos...
I love you, forever.
xxx

Sam I think I'm actually in love with your girlfriend.


What a cutesy :)

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

One Man Drinking Games.

And you said it would be funny to keep me hanging in suspense.
Then I'd run over to your house and I'd scale the chainlink fence.
That borders your back yard and then I'd climb through your window.
And I'd whisper that I love you as you fall out of your clothes.
And we'd lay there in the darkness like this dream of you I had,
Where we captured all the fireflies and knew what time we had.
Could be counted on our fingertips and that almost made you cry
you let me hold you tightly as we said all our goodbyes.
May I say I loved you more.
And it must have been an hour that I clutched you in my arms
And I must have said the right things because you instantly felt warm
And you heard my heart stop beating and you wanted not to cry
As your sympathetic whispers, they told a tale of bad goodbyes.
And you swore you saw me laughing and I swore I saw you smile
And this time we've spent together is meant to last us quite a while
As I take this piece of you with me, I'll carry to my grave.
Knowing that for someone you're an angel sent to save.
Keep breathing my angel, if you go down I go with you.
So let's drink to memories we shared.
Down one for all the hopes and cares.
Here's two for being unaware that you're gone.
Because before too long you'll be a memory.


www.justinmaller.com

This guy is from Melbourne... and psycho good.



Future farms.

ˆ . ˆ

There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy... Her heart.

Good Grief.

I don't know how much I agree with all this but if it helps anyone...

It is important to interpret the stages loosely, and expect much individual variation.
There is no neat progression from one stage to the next.
In reality, there is much looping back, or stages can hit at the same time, or occur out of order.
So why bother with stage models at all?
Because they are a good general guide of what to expect.
 For example, generally, a long period of "depression" (not clinical depression), isolation, and loneliness happen late in the grief process, months after the tragedy strikes.
It actually is normal and expected for you to be very depressed and sad eight months later.
Outsiders do not understand this, and feel that it should be time for you to "get over it" and rejoin the land of the living.
Just knowing that your desire to be alone with your sad reflections at this time is normal will help you deal with outside pressures.
You are acting normally. They just don't "get it".

Here is the grief model called "The 7 Stages of Grief":

1. Shock, Disbelief and Denial:
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. Pain and Guilt:
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs. You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. Anger and Bargaining:
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion. You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")

4. Depression, Reflection, Loneliness.
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving. During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair. 7 Stages of Grief...

5. The upward turn:
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

6. Reconstruction and working through:
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. Acceptance and Hope:
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.

You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.

Sleepless nights speak to me.

It's now been 40 hours or something ridiculous that ive been awake for.
I feel completely fine. Weird.
Going to try and attempt sleep again- just doused my lungs with ventolin hoping that might stop me from coughing.
Just watched snatch with Jeremy. Brad Pitt rules.
Jason Strathem too.
Ok goodnight hopefully.

This is definitely a new record though- if I wasn't working tomo if test out how long I could go til I got tired but Ahh well. Got plenty of time for that!
Xx

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Agenda-less.

Ok... So basically I was battling on behalf of the pro-weed agenda... only to spark thought really.
Point is... I do believe cannabis may trigger schizophrenia- but it still has to be within you to be triggered.
Other drugs also trigger it though.

I hope I made you realise how easily statistics can be melded to suit any agenda.
There's always two sides to a story- I'm placing myself on the fence.

I don't encourage smoking weed/doing drugs unless you truely know yourself, are prepared and knowledgable... preferably doing it for an experiment and not an escape.
Know your family history, and traits- if you have an addictive personality, avoid falling into the trap.

Like I have written on my desk... "where is this daily activity taking you?"

Adviser.

Man, been talking to Troy for a good 3.5 hours.
He gave me a lot to think about and offered a fair bit of great advice.
As well as our usual chats about crazy cool stuff.
I just have to remember the advice he's given me and apply it.
He also gave me three more books on top of the three I haven't had a chance to get stuck into...
One is a grieving advice book, another is self matters- creating your life from the inside out- rather than outside in, which is what we all foolishly and unknowingly do, and the last one is a book on relationships... I have a lot to learn.

Can't sleep.

Can't stop coughing, so over this cold.
I came to the conclusion I'm just going to stay up all night because if I fall asleep the likely hood of me hearing my alarm is very unlikely.
I've got singing lessons at 11, then I'm going to go and visit Troy as I haven't seen him in three weeks...
Three rather full on weeks at that.
I saw him briefly yesterday and he was like how you been and I was like, oh a bit of an up-down roller-coaster and he said make sure you put an end to that or it can turn into a permanent form of depression/anxiety- I can so understand that- But he didn't understand what I meant exactly because it turns out the text I sent him about why that might be the case didn't send through.
I have been fairly positive I reckon, I slip briefly.
Looking forward to his advice and what not, but at the same time dreading it.
I know deep down what the right thing for me to do is, but there's that huge part of me that can't bring myself to admit it or commit to it, but I think it's best if I just go with the flow, live in the moment.
Haha but speaking of the future... I'm keener than ever to get down to melbourne to live.
I need to hand in my resume at addeco/mars and work night shifts with Jeremy and get rich.
My aim is to be in melbourne by my birthday come April, hopefully sooner.
We had band prac tonight, or last night I should say haha
It seriously went off... it's like all of a sudden we got pro.
Everything was tighter than size 6 skinny jeans.
It was the first time I really looked forward to recording Disclosure.
So we're now trying to find a good place to record in Melbourne and get this shit done.

Also, I don't know what's going on but everyone, well almost everyone, has been so extraordinarily lovely lately... I've never been given so many amazing compliments and gratitude from people than the last 3 week, so thankyou to all those facebook inbox's/requests/wall-posts, formsrpings and all the real life compliments... you guys have really inspired me and made me feel good.
I <3 you all.

My eyes are hurting. I'm fucked! haha it's 7am ... . . ....... NOW!
I just realised... I don't cough when my heads in an upright position.
Might as well try and jam 1.5 hours sleep in!

Oh and also... wait- i forget. haha bye.

Save me.

I fucked up the last sentence/pitch but other than that its not bad I guess.
Original by Simon Mckenna : http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?i...
His Band, is called NEON CITY (not pheonix rising, I forgot they changed it):
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Neon-Ci...

Marijuana / Schizophrenia myth:

Anonymous #1:
Marijuana smoke contains three times the amount of tar found in tobacco smoke and 50% more carcinogens.
I'm all about pure green, I smoked it with green tea the second time, tobacco isn't necessary.
*I apologise! I read that wrong! But still- it doesn't concern me, a few experiences ain't going to hurt.
#2:
my best friend got schizophrenia due to consistent marijuana use. also, he was not a 'druggo or pot head'
The key word in that is CONSISTENT, it sort of means he was a druggo or a pothead.
Hence Bullshit...

#2.5
FAG.
Yep, I also use the bong as a dildo for ass fucking my partner.

# 3:
Judd, what that chick said isn't 'bullshit'
Yes it is. 
you aren't as educated as you think you are on this. 
Suck me off I'm not. 
Marijuana (and any drug for that matter, excluding lsd maybe?) 
I read ESPECIALLY LSD on schizophrenia.com I think it was.
has a direct impact on the chemical balance of the brain. 
A temporary one.
Especially when abused, or not used correctly. 
I'm not encouraging that.
So don't go claiming 'bullshit', it's called stimulant or chemical psychosis.    
And it's only temporary.
After the countless years of calling yourself poison free or whatever (not an edge slur or anything) it's just really hypocritical that you preach all this, and talk shit about people drinking and smoking and then backflip.  
Yes I can backflip on the ground, tramp and up walls- just like I can backflip on my beliefs, beliefs should change as you learn more... right? I learnt I had been brainwashed.
that's what's wrong with society, people are fucking spineless, when it becomes the 'cool thing to do', they all do it.  
Everyone with a tumblr is spineless? I think you're forgetting I will never drink alcohol and that's been pretty cool since year 7.
I'm not anti drugs, 
Then get amoungst some and shutup.
but seriously, there is nothing worse than an uneducated, preaching hypocrite.  
Like yourself.
Like I've always said- my beliefs contradict at times and always will (no one is being guided by what is right), they also change when my analysis sways of what is wrong and right.
#4
Use of marijuana/hash/cannabis has been linked with significantly increased probability of developing schizophrenia. 
The key word LINKED... not proven, you could link eating lollypops with schizophrenia if you tried. 
This link has been documented in over 30 different scientific studies over the past 20 years. In one example, a study interviewed 50,000 members of the Swedish Army about their drug consumption and followed up with them later in life. Those who were heavy consumers of cannabis at age 18 were over 600% more likely to be diagnosed with schizophrenia over the next 15 years than those did not take it. Experts estimate that between 8% and 13% of all schizophrenia cases are linked to marijuna / cannabis use during teen years.  
You directly took this quote from schizophrenia.com 
They're opening line sort of ruins any argument underneath it.
Now prepare yourself for the huge amount of information that proves that all that is bullshit.
It has long been debated whether or not marijuana causes schizophrenia.  Is this a myth?  You may say "I'm not taking the chance, either way."  Well, I have one thing to ask you then, do you throw salt over your shoulder after spilling it on the table just to make sure you won't have bad luck for the rest of the day as well?  Do you avoid walking under a ladder because you don't want to take that chance just incase, as well?  It is time to break down the supersticious idealogy and get to the truth of the matter.
This is a total media scare story.  Different sources of this myth have different numbers.  Some say you are 4.5 times more likely to become schizophrenic if you smoke pot.  This “study” from the UK claims “Smoking just one cannabis joint raises danger of mental illness by 40%”.  Pretty scary isn’t it?  Fortunately these studies are total bullshit.

For example if I performed a raindance and it rained later in the day I have satisfied association and temporal antecedence but not isolation.  Therefore I cannot scientifically prove that my raindance worked.  If raindances were a controversial topic the media would  then publish the “study” and the headline would read “Recent Study Suggests that Raindance Leads to precipitation”.  Sounds ridiculous right?  Well that is exactly what has been happening with the hundreds of “studies” on cannabis and schizophrenia.

Isolation has not been proven in the marijuana-schizophrenia link.  In fact evidence to the contrary is indisputable.  Marijuana use has grown significantly in the last 30 years.  If schizophrenia was caused by marijuana use then there should be an observable rise in schizophrenia rates as well.  No such link has been established.  This study from Australia demonstrates these findings*.  Before marijuana became popular less than 1% of the population was diagnosed with schizophrenia, and now that marijuana use in widespread the rate of schizophrenia diagnosis is still less than 1%.

The Report of the Senate Special Commitee on Illegal Drugs from Canada in 2002 concluded the following,

No mental pathology directly related to the overuse of cannabis has been reported, which distinguishes this substance from psychostimulants such as MDNA, cocaine or alcohol, heavy and repeated use of which can give rise to characteristic psychotic syndromes. Similarly, cannabis does not seem to precipitate the onset of pre-existing mental dysfunctions (schizophrenia, bipolar depression, etc.).

There are studies that show that cannabis can actually be used to treat the symptoms of schizophrenia (http://norml.org/index.cfm?Group_ID=7908, http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17826035).

Three-quarters of persons with schizophrenia develop the disease between 16 and 25 years of age.  The studies that suggest that marijuana causes schizophrenia claim that pot use during adolescence will cause schizophrenia around the age 26.  That is the age that it will occur anyway.  What does marijuana use have to do with it?  Nothing.  Persons who are predisposed to schizophrenia are awkward teenagers and much more likely to use cannabis and other drugs than their peers.  It actually looks like schizophrenia causes some marijuana use!

Despite lack of evidence the media promotes these studies as true.  Headlines like this, “UK researchers to claim as that pot is causing 14% of schizophrenia cases in the UK” are scary.  These media scare stories are unfounded and designed to create widespread fear around marijuana use, also known as propaganda.  The UK is currently in the middle of a psychological war on cannabis.  Check out some of these recent claims taken from a pot-schizophrenia news story,

Professor Robin Murray, of the Institute of Psychiatry in London, warned yesterday that the risks were likely to be heightened by the increasing use of powerful skunk cannabis.

and

Cannabis has been implicated in a string of vicious killings, including the recent stabbing of fashion designer Lucy Braham.

These claims are absurd this is pure propaganda.  Unfortunately the majority of people know very little about cannabis and accept these claims as true.

Dr. Lester Grinspoon, associate professor of psychiatry at the Harvard Medical School and author of Marihuana Reconsidered -

 "Marijuana laws and their enforcement have become increasingly severe, buttressed by 'new' MYTHS dressed in scientific costume such as the present notion, developed largely in England and Australia, that marijuana causes schizophrenia"

Colin Blakemore, PhD, ScD, Chair of the Department of Physiology at the University of Oxford, wrote in a Dec. 27, 2002 email to ProCon.org:

"It is conceivable that excessive use of cannabis sometimes contributes to acute schizophrenic episodes. But it is difficult to believe that cannabis is a strong risk factor for this disorder, because there is no evidence that the incidence of schizophrenia has risen dramatically over the past 50 years, in parallel with the huge increase in cannabis use.
Young schizophrenic patients are often heavy cigarette smokers too, but no-one would suggest that tobacco causes schizophrenia."

Hollie V. Thomas, DPhil, Director of the MSc Program in Psychiatry at Cardiff University, wrote in an article titled "Psychiatric Symptoms in Cannabis Users," published Aug. 1993 in the British Journal of Psychiatry:

"Cannabis use can lead to a range of short-lived symptoms such as de-personalisation, de-realisation, a feeling of loss of control, fear of dying, irrational panic and paranoid ideas...
The evidence that cannabis has a causative role in chronic psychotic or affective disorders is not convincing, although the drug may modify the course of an already established illness."

Paul Armentano, Senior Policy Analyst at the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws (NORML), stated in an Aug. 2, 2007 press release titled "NORML Responds to New Rash of Pot and Mental Health Claims":

"Despite the enormous popularity of cannabis in the 1960s and 1970s in numerous Western cultures, rates of psychotic disorders haven't increased since then in any of these societies. Individuals suffering from mental illness such as schizophrenia tend to use all intoxicants - particularly alcohol and tobacco - at greater rates than the general population. Not surprisingly, many of these individuals also use cannabis."

Here's some more anti-propaganda for you:
^ australian based, good read.
Here is an in-depth study of the above results: (PDF)
Here was the conclusion:
Q: Does cannabis use cause schizophrenia?
A: No. Over the past four decades most countries in the Western world have experienced rapidly increasing cannabis use. None of these countries has experienced any accompanying “Madness” plague. Countries like Australia and Jamaica which have the highest levels of cannabis use have levels of schizophrenia similar to the rest of the world.

Where does that leave the “Reefer Madness” theory??

Monday, October 18, 2010

Marijuana and Me.

Followers of my blog may have realised my huge interest in drugs.
It's been 19 and a half years, I've never drank alcohol , I've never done any drug other than happy gas at the dentist (which I might add was one of the best moments in my life haha).
As you may have realised the past year or so I've developed a strong longing to experiment with Marijuana, Mushrooms, DMT.
It's only those 3 drugs I class not damaging, but enlightening.
Alcohol, nicotine, amphetamines... speed, ecstasy, meth, heroine- are all damaging drugs... (Hell! I even avoid nurofen/panadol and any medication for as long as I can take pain.)
They are physically damaging, mentally damaging and most are addicting.
If I was to do any of those drugs it wouldn't be alcohol or nicotine.
That should give you an idea of my thoughts on alcohol and smoking-
On a sidenote- just because I think it's pointless and stupid, doesn't mean I don't condone others doing, I used to, but I've come to realise people should be able to do whatever they want, we all have different philosophies on life- none of them are (in)correct either.

(Disclaimer: Don't attack me with any straight edge sellout bullshit, I have never once claimed edge.)

For me, it's about perception. Enlightening myself to the way I work, they way the world works, they way our brains/minds work.

I'm going to first tell you about my experiences, motivations, conclusions, idea's, future plans and what not... Lets start with motivation.

Motivation:
Every person I look up to either endorses weed or has done it.
To name a few off the top of my head: Joe Rogan, John Lennon, Christofer Drew, Michael Brierely, Bill Hicks. I even had the House Vs Hurricane singer say to me: "If you want to make it anywhere... smoke a fuckload of weed." All my favourite songs were written whilst high.
These people are all living my dream. They all endorse marijuana.
They are all successful people, they are not lazy couch potatoes, the stereotypical idea of a pothead.
The difference is:
People don't become deadshits because they smoke marijuana, they are deadshits who smoke marijuana- for the wrong reasons and give it such a bad name.
Someone said to me a while ago, don't expect to be able to write a good song just because you're high...
I think I've already demonstrated I have the capability to write songs while I'm normal, I just find it a frustrating task, like I literally get back aches due to creative stress... I hope that I'll be more zoned into what I'm doing and creating whilst high.
I know almost everyone has tried it, has everyone become a pothead? No.
Have you tried it? Yes? Well I hope you don't mind if I learn through experience aswell.
I want to feel what it's like to be not in control of my body.
I want to see what the worlds like from an altered perception.
Life is too short not to at least try things, and I mean within reason...
Weed/mushrooms/dmt has never killed a single person... ever.
Every other drug? Kills hundreds of thousands a year.
Which one is illegal?
That right there is the fucking proof you're all retarded.

Propaganda:
This is proven propaganda.
You have the product, Hemp...
The most amazing easily-renewable product for so many things, oil, paper, plastic etc.
Then you have your corporations who saw the threat of this product.
This is back in the day, Reefer Madness and other films were made to portray the newly/wrongly termed "marijuana" into an evil drug.
The truth is, it is the exact opposite.
You don't rape and kill on weed, you're generally happier and nicer.
This "evil" plant, if legalised could help our environment tremendously, solve world hunger, possibly wake our whole society up to all the ignorance that surrounds us.
Every "anti-drug" campaign is funded by none other but the alcohol/cigarette companies...
How's that for Irony?
Why? Because they don't want marijuana legalised because it would mean people would decrease their sales in alcohol in choosing marijuana as a replacement form of a mind-altering drug.
A much friendlier, safer one at that too.
Don't believe me? Do your research.
The even dumber thing thing is if marijuana was legalised the government could place a tax on it and therefore make profits on it, it would also free so many otherwise innocent prisoners.
Not only governments and corporations, but now the victims of such propaganda create their own lies...
Parents and what not blatantly lying about what it does to you- how it turns you into a complete no-hoper and what not.
You don't get addicted to marijuana, not physically...
Just like you can get addicted to texting, wanking, eating, you can get addicted to marijuana,
unlike nicotine/heroine which is a chemical addictive to the brain.

Experiences:
After realising how easily life can be taken, and a day of floating in the weir all day contemplating life...
I didn't remotely have any motivation preventing me from smoking it.
The first attempt came as a shock to my throat haha but six cone attempts later and I felt no different.
Just after I decided it was doing nothing I ate an orea and lost my shit, I remembered my oreo video I made and couldn't stop laughing.
Feeling completely normal... just laughing like a git.
After composing myself, the things I observed about myself was that I was very in the moment.
There was only the moment- the past/future didn't exist for me.
Because of that I was having a great time.
Nothing mattered, I was just enjoying the moment of life.
I was also very fast on my reactions, if someone was talking I would already know where they were going and I even found myself laughing at jokes that I could see were about to stated.

Next experience I again felt like I was in the moment and at the peak of it I thought my head was a balloon and my neck was the string and I was light and just blowing in the wind which was a really cool feeling- I mean I knew I wasn't a balloon but I just embraced it.
I also laughed and had a good time- which I probably wouldn't have had otherwise due to insecurities.
I also found myself... not funnier, but comfortable enough to express my funny side which I don't usually express unless I'm comfortable with the people around me.

Conclusions:
It really does nothing much, it's awful reputation is ridiculous.
I didn't feel at all impaired- in fact, while driving I felt so much more zoned it to driving... I know I shouldn't have driven and if you've never smoked it before you're probably looking at me like I should be in jail just like a drink driving crime- but I was honestly driving better, and that's not my altered state saying that- besides I knew it was barely in control of my actions by this stage, was well past any peak.
I also found myself in no mood for sitting and watching tv... I just wanted to do stuff.
It played 0% negative effect on me.

Plans/Ideas:
I want to try it in different circumstances and situations...
I want to play a gig higher than a giraffes pussy, I think that would be glorious haha
I want to experiment with my creative side.
That's about all... Then I'd be keen to do some serious tripping on mushrooms and then DMT...
I don't think you realise but DMT would be the ultimate experience for my existence.
I also want to prove everyone wrong.
I am not/will never become a druggo/deadshit and I will make myself into someone worth having known.
I will die knowing I haven't been a complete pussy whipped bitch to experience.

I don't do things to keep people pleased, I don't care what you think about it because all that matters is what I think. Worry about yourself before you worry about me.
This is nothing to worry about.

I am Judd always have been, always will be.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

You're like a black cat...

With a black back pack full of fireworks and you're gonna burn the city down right now.

This jealous actress has a habit of making things sound way too tragic.

Silver lining in the sky, now I know what you are.

I know everyone deals with things differently, but there's definitely no excuse for taking your anger out on people you love- I would think after all that's happened you would be pulling the ones you love as close as you can.
You can be negative or you can be positive.
You can be selfish or you can be selfless.

The more positive you are- the more positive people respond to you and in turn that makes you feel better.

Just don't take the opposite path:

The more negative you are- the more negative people respond to you and in turn that makes you feel worse.

Although it's hard to help... when you're feeling down you just want to feel even more down, you've just got to realise you're taking the wrong path and do everything you can do to get back on the right path.

Remember life can be taken so very suddenly- don't leave someone or have someone leave you in bad terms.

I realised that if I died a week ago, or even today- there's so much I haven't accomplished- I haven't lived, I haven't tried- so many friends I haven't made- so many compliments I haven't given- so many words I've left unsaid- relationships I hadn't mended;
I've been trying to live my life to the fullest as cliche as it sounds-
I want to make an impact.
I don't want to merely exist, i want to live.

Please wake up with me.
There's so many dreams we need to fulfil.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Heart Break Hotel


Although the drawing itself is nothing flash- this is the secretary of symbolic city.
I guess there's a lot of multiple meanings in it.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Bonnie ahhh weoiiiiii!

Thankyou Tab for all the effort he went to making these.



Thursday, October 14, 2010

Sketch

I'm not some weird stalker I swear! I just needed to draw something and had no idea's so Gina, I drew you since the photo I edited was still on my desktop.
I did this in literally 34 minutes, it's not meant to be perfect, just practising using this tablet.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Poor Myspace.

Rory Kelly is the MAN!

Vagina Lash.

Kids In Love.

Technolgy breakthrough.

A canvas to colour.

As I mentioned a while ago... I recorded an album for Albury High school.
Everyone I recorded was pretty amazingly talented... When the CD comes out I suggest you get a copy.
Stefan did the artwork... how sick is it.
Point is- everything was 100% finalised today- so the CD's are now ready to be duplicated x 500.

Well don't just stand there.


Sometimes I get the feeling I'm being watched.

Fake Blood.

Drew this while 10%'ly watching Eclipse on my own last week. Luckily Edwina and her friends saved me from my zombie like state. This is shit- I just want to get it off my desktop and store it here.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Last words, London lover.

Damn. The last thing she ever said to me.
So here's the song anyway- I wrote it for Ashlea aaaages ago as a bit of a joke/going away present but failed at getting it done til now.
Jeremy made the majority of the beat- I did the bridge and edited it all together as it was just 40 seconds material to begin with.
It's autotune central but it's meant to be.

www.myspace.com/juddlockz or the ^ solo music ^ tab.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Bonnie.

Posted a new song dedicated to Bonnie.

www.myspace.com/juddlockz

Gonna open tonights set with it.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Always in our hearts.

Happier than Spongebob.

I just keep remembering more and more memories.
What else can you do in this life but make an impact?

:')


Sink in.

I've never felt so emotionless.

You were one of my favourite girls in the world.
I love you and I hope you're ok :(
I can't comprehend this.

Nice.

It's R U OK? Day today.

Well I hope you're ok.
I love you.

Luck is Everywhere

If you're feeling lucky.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Underwater.

I've stared blankly at this blank screen for too long.
I've got nothing.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Instill Magazine.

http://www.instillmagazine.com/

Get on that shit.
A locally run online magazine with actual meaning and great graphic work.

Although I don't necessarily agree or like EVERY article, but that's to be expected with magazine filled with opinions, it's an awesome read.

My personal favourite was written by my friend Alexia Dixon...
This girl knows what's up.

Her tumblr flogging is to be worshipped.

You might remember her from such blogs as- You need a shrink not a blog.

She's got passion and she's got writing talent.

So yeah check it!

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Fairylights

New song added on my acoustic stuff tab ^^

Check it here if you're confused >.<
www.myspace.com/juddlockz

Basically- the "girl" is just me for that- but Jeremy and I want to get Madison Dormer on the job :p
We still haven't made an epic ending for it- but soon.