The following isn't a planned out blog or essay or anything, it's far from grammatically perfect... just trying to put the swirls of thoughts from my head into words.
Today I decided I never want to get married.
Before you tell me I'm oh so anti-everything just hear me out...
A ring on a finger represents shackles.
You think if you loved someone enough you wouldn't feel the need to make your lover into a possession.
That's all it is marriage... possession... ownership.
I guess it's the same as girlfriend/boyfriend- except for the fact it's a bit more realistic, well some idiots cross their hearts and swear their teen-ship will never end, I like to fantasise that Madison and I will go on to conquer the world but I think we're both realistic in the sense that we know we're only young and things change, people grow and quite often, apart... It's only as sad as you make it, realise where it's taken you and move forward.
The idea of 'free love', in this day and age, is barely comprehensible.
All our life our ego's have been trained to aspire for ownership and possession,
and the idea of that itself is purely an illusion... break it down here...
you can't own anything...
you can THINK that you own it all you like but at the end of the day it's just a whole bunch of atoms bunched into a formation that you think just because you bought it with your money... another illusion... that you own it.
All your life being jealous of what others have and you don't isn't really discouraged and it grows and develops until jealousy becomes completely unjustified and 'your' lover isn't allowed to leave the house because of your insecurities.
Anyway, the idea of free love... that humans can be as promiscuous as we'd all love to be, would never work in modern day society because of our wretched ego's that run the world through fear (jealousy and insecurities) and our warped idea of "love" itself.
If there's tension between Bonobo monkeys they release that tension through a huge orgy... (read a funny article here).
Sex after all, is natural... it feels good, emotions detached it's just skin on skin.
The clitoris serves no purpose other than to please.
But sadly, it's a monogamous world we live in... Monogamous meaning one partner.
Even more sadly, religions are somewhat to blame... hang on I'm talking about Religion like it's a being... Religious nutjobs*.
Possibly even more saddening is the fact Politics/Education/media (generally) claim they're not influenced by religious values... But they are (the whole of humanity is.)
They wear clothes, they support marriage, the don't support gay marriage (in general) and in school being married is something that is expected of you.
I would love the world to stop and re-evaluate everything it does purely based on tradition, just because it's what we've always done and become a reborn-rational-race.
As optimistic as I am, I know this is never going to happen.
Love and Lust.
For the first six months you are with a complete imposter...
People go about love like it's a business!
It takes six months for the Façade to wear (around about the same time you become comfortable to fart in front of eachother.)
Warning: If your partner tries to pamper you with everything, basically he's buying your love, that's why I think you should save the nice materialistic surprises until later...
First fall in love with him-for-him/ her-for-for... if they're softening you with gifts take that as an immediate warning that there are some serious insecurities... aspects they don't want you to know about them.
The six month barrier will break these down, and this is where relationships usually take a turn for the worse. You split up, but you crave eachother? All that sex you had was doing more than just pleasuring, it was imprinting eachother, with eachother.
Your nose is a very powerful, subconscious scent... That's why you'll crave them, even if you hate them and everything they did...
Keep in mind you didn't love them.
Love is unconditional.
My experiences with love.
Ally and I were friends that were once "cooty catching year 7 frenemies".
We found ourselves all of a sudden feeling a great deal of attraction, I thought she was hilarious.
We basically grew up together, great memories and shocking memories...
I remember we had the 6 month adjustment where she was annoyed at me saying "I'm just saying", as always I would've been feeling righteous thinking I'm being helpful. We got through it and dated for 2 years total.
Our breakup was pretty casual... although it saddened me, we were both keen to move on, after all we were fairly different people by this stage... sex slowly tapered down.
The best thing about Ally and I is we are still great friends and always will be, looking back it was the perfect relationship. We had fun, we grew, we learnt, we moved forward and remained friends.
Madison and I shared an immediate click, two complete strangers totally in love with love... we got to know eachother better and found things to get picky at after the initial- "they're perfect".
For me, I had too much pride/ego/ownership when it came to Madison smoking...
I tried changing her and that was wrong and boy did that fail.
Since then I've grown up and somehow we actually recovered our relationship.
Although I don't love smoking I realised I'd rather have Madison in my life smoking (hot), than not have her at all.
Madison and I are perfect for eachother right now, I don't think it's wrong to say we have a connection of unconditional love.
She may not be the perfect soul for me, but she makes me happy as hell (sad as hell on the rare occasion haha), she's always there to listen to and talk to and when we're together there's not a worry in the world. It's more like best friends- Sam and Hayden would be my other best friends- we're not soul perfect but who is? Sam, Hayden and I are never going to experience a complete breakup and that's what it feels like with Madison, just unconditional love.
I think the test for our relationship will be experiencing eachother for extended periods of time...
Being a mildly long distance relationship, seeing eachother on the weekend only creates excitement everytime, but I'm sure if we did live together we'd each have our own space and it would work.
Like I said earlier I like to fantasise that Madison and I will be together forever, picture perfect wedding, big house etc... that's the way we've all been taught to think and it's lovely in theory but really when I think about it I only like the idea of a wedding ceremony, as traditional and religious as it is, we could probably make it way cooler haha, but the idea of being married- being a commitment by law sort of sickens me.
It may be contradicting to what I think is right and wrong (I find it's hard to live by what I believe is right... in a society where it believes it is right, so forgive my contradictions... at least I'm aware) but at the end of the day, for me, it's about being happy, learning and growing, feeling loved and having someone to love...
Wouldn't mind just not getting married, officially anyway... such an illusion and joke when you give it thought.
Even if we break up I hope we can remain positively in eachothers lives.